Government Confirms It Knows Where the Money Went, Declines to Ruin Surprise

The Government has confirmed that no Government-owned, affiliated or controlled company has lent any money to anybody. The statement is true. It is also the finest piece of engineering in Gibraltar since the Kingsway tunnel.

Parliament was told that £114 million left the Savings Bank, called in at the Gibraltar National Mint, and continued to Community Credit Union Limited, a subsidiary of a charity, which lent it onward to companies the Government will not name. The money has seen more of Gibraltar than most residents.

At no point on that journey does a Government company lend anybody anything. The money merely visits El Martillo via Government-owned, affiliated and controlled companies.

The Gibraltar National Mint was incorporated to strike commemorative coins for collectors. It has now handled £114 million. It has never filed accounts since the day it was incorporated, making it the only national mint in Europe that does not count.

No coin has been struck to mark the passage of the £114 million, which seems a waste. The Comical has designed one: on the obverse, the charity logo; the reverse; El joven Joey B and around the rim, the words NO GOVERNMENT COMPANY LENT THIS.

Charity was once the practice of giving money to people who could not repay it. The modern Gibraltarian form involves lending it to people who can, at rates, through a coin commemoration company.

Funding is granted against criteria decided solely by one man. The criteria have not been published. The man is available seven days a week; the criteria is not.

Parliament was further told that of every application ever submitted to the scheme, precisely one was refused, and that it came from a friend of the sole arbiter. This was offered as proof of impartiality. It is also proof that somewhere in Gibraltar there is a man who is the only person alive who can demonstrate he is impartial after 40 years in local politics.

The money belongs to pensioners, who bought debentures at five per cent because they trust the man in charge. They have not been told where it went. They have been assured it is safe by the man who decided it was safe.

The relevant debentures now stand at £499.99 million — one penny short of half a billion, a figure plainly arrived at by somebody who has worked in retail.

Unable to obtain the names from the Government, the Opposition obtained them from a cupboard. Charges in favour of the credit union sit on the public register at Companies House, available to anyone with a search fee and a free afternoon. Gibraltar's most transparent institution is a filing cabinet in Companies House.

The Government has stated that no Government company lent the money, that no Minister has any interest "whatsoever or howsoever arising", and that all interests are properly declared. Each statement is true. Nobody has ever used the phrase "howsoever arising" about something nefarious that they are involved in.

Asked the question everybody did ask, the Government referred the questioner to its previous answer. Asked again, it referred to the same answer. The answer is now in its third deployment and shows no sign of wear.

Nobody in this story has broken the law. Borrowing money is lawful. Lending it is lawful. Declining to say who did which is, apparently, also lawful.

The Comical has submitted a question of its own. The Government has confirmed it already has the answer.

The denial is not a lie. It is the route.