Government Simplifies Customs Procedures to "Venga, Vamo, Next"

Following three weeks of freight delays, the Government has replaced the new customs system with a newer one, published yesterday as Technical Notice 489: Show a receipt, pay a bit of tax y venga, vamo, next.

The Notice defines a receipt as a receipt, an invoice, a photo of an invoice, a WhatsApp from your cousin confirming the goods exist, or a confident wink. It defines a bit of tax as, a bit, rising to a bit more in year two, and mira, call it £10.50 in year three.

The previous system required a Spanish NIF number, a European operator number, a customs guarantee, a transit declaration, and a Global Guarantor. The new system requires Paco and Mikki at the gate to recognise your van. Paco recognises every van. Paco has recognised vans that have not been built yet but will be able to recognise them.

Goods must still meet European standards, or look like they do from the van. Compliance is assessed by the established method of a quick glance saying "eso está bien" while already signing the next thing. Appeals are heard by the same man, saying it again, slower.

"We have listened to business," said a spokesman, waving a lorry through with each hand.

Full checks remain in force for one category of arrival only. Any more than one public auditor attempting to enter Gibraltar will be inspected item by item, unpacked, weighed, questioned about the purpose of their visit, and where possible, returned as unsolicited.

The Government confirmed that throughout the disruption the system never fell below not a complete breakdown, its highest available performance rating.

At the time of going to press, the independent consultative body established under the treaty to monitor market distortions had opened an inquiry into reports that goods were now moving too freely, under the new procedures. It has requested an inquiry be held up at the border, para parar todo.

pay a bit of tax, venga, vamo, next.