Government Releases Masterplan That Everybody Recognises, Ages 3+

The Government has released artist's impressions of the medium-to-long-term plans for the frontier area, prompting immediate recognition from every Gibraltarian under six, several of whom confirmed they own the same one.

The masterplan, unveiled as demolition of the frontier fence began, shows a bold new public realm of roads that loop back on themselves for no reason, a hospital marked with a large H, an aeroplane parked diagonally forever, and a roundabout with a concrete block in the middle, which Spanish divers have twice attempted to remove.

Planning experts described the vision as 'ambitious,' 'European,' and 'machine washable at thirty degrees.'

Officials denied that the masterplan had been purchased for £19.99 from a toy shop on Main Street, but confirmed it measures 200 by 140 centimetres, has a non-slip backing, and was acquired without tender, in the public interest.

The scheme's beautification programme promises greenery and red telephone boxes, completing a design brief understood to read 'Britain, as remembered by a rug.' Inside the tunnel, 200 metres of screens will show drivers a live feed of a road, possibly this one. The new reinforced fence will close every night, in keeping with the frontier's proud tradition of being closed.

Britain, as remembered by a rug.

The plan's lead consultant, aged four and a half, defended the layout at a briefing held on the floor. 'The zebra crossing goes into the duck pond because that's where it goes,' he said, moving a small fire engine into position. 'Y ya está.'

Works will be delivered in the medium to long term, defined in the plan's glossary as 'when you''re older.' Residents wishing to consult the masterplan may do so in any bedroom in Varyl Begg, under the bed, next to the Scalextric.